I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
