i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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