Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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