My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
porn star boner night. come get it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
