I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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