Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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