No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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