yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
