Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I look better un-naked...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
