Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
