The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
