cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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