New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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