my mouth tastes like poor choices
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
