i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This house was built for laser tag.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
