After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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