Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
