4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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