with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
