I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
