Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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