Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
