Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
