just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Never underestimate the power of titties
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
