I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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