Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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