Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
