Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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