I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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