i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
