WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
