positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
