I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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