my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
