i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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