capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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