you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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