I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
