Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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