I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
