& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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