Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
