Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
