Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
