I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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