He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
