Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
