i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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