so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
