I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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