I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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