I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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