I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you win again, gameday.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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